I’m sadder than socks with a singular hole. I’m glummer than glub-glub who swallowed a coal. For Rosaline-Winifred-Who doesn’t care! She looked at my heart and said, “Nope! Not in there!” MERCUTIO-GOOSE (popping up, doing a flip): Oh, piffle! Oh, poppycock! Snickle-snack-snooze! You’re rhyming with gloom in your oversized shoes! Let’s sneak to the party! Let’s bounce on a chair! Let’s dance till our toenails grow curly green hair! (SCENE TWO: The Party, which looks like a blender threw up confetti.)
What light through yonder waffle iron breaks? T’is a Sneetch! And a glorious Sneetch, for goodness sakes! Her hair is like fizz-floss, her nose like a pootle. I’ll marry this creature and name her my Skittle! JULIET-GAZZ (giggles): A Montague? Gasp! A terrible pickle! My family will grumble and throw a loud nickel! But who cares for nickels? Who cares for a name? A rose by a smell-smell still smells the old same! (They hold hands. A small dog in a hat sneezes. They kiss. It sounds like a “Zoop!”) the seussification of romeo and juliet script
Drink this! You’ll look as dead as a doornail’s third cousin. Your family will weep. They’ll cry by the dozen. Then Romeo will find you, and you’ll wake with a sneeze, And run off to live with the Grickle-Bark trees! (She drinks. She flops. She looks very dead.) I’m sadder than socks with a singular hole
A Happily-Ever-After-ish Tale of Two Who-zits and a Whole Lot of Nonsense She looked at my heart and said, “Nope
You kids want to marry? Well, how about that? I’ll mix you a potion from a smoozled old bat! One sip makes you sleepy. Two sips makes you snore. Three sips makes your toenails grow right through the floor! (SCENE FOUR: The BIG MESS. A fight. Then a bigger mess.)
Oh, Julie-Gazz-Jilly! My Fizz-Fuzzle-Foo! I’d climb seventeen ladders to give you a shoe! JULIET-GAZZ: Don’t swear by the moon, that old cheese-bally sphere! It changes its shape every week of the year! Swear by your ridiculous hat, if you please. That hat is much sillier. Swear by the fuzz on your knees! ROMEO-ZOOT: I swear by my kneefuzz! I swear by my nose! I swear by the lint that collects in my toes! (FRIAR LAWRENCE-KNOX hops in, carrying a pot.)